When Old Strategies Become New Struggles

Self-sabotage doesn’t always look loud.

It’s not always dramatic failure or obvious meltdown.

In fact, self-sabotage is often subtle, sophisticated, and sneakily familiar.

It’s saying yes when you mean no.

It’s procrastinating the thing that would change your life.

It’s scrolling instead of starting.

It’s playing small when you were built to lead.

These behaviours may seem harmless, even rational but often, they’re not about laziness or a

lack of discipline. They’re rooted in something deeper: what psychologists call maladaptive

behaviours survival strategies that once helped us feel safe, but now keep us stuck.

Maladaptive Behaviours: Clever but Costly

Maladaptive simply means something that no longer works.

They’re patterns that were once protective but have become limiting.

Think about:

 * Avoidance (procrastinating decisions, ghosting opportunities)

 * Overcontrol (perfectionism, micromanaging to avoid failure)

* People-pleasing (saying yes to stay liked, not aligned)

 * Isolation (retreating before you’re rejected)

 * Explosive reactions (using anger to avoid vulnerability)

These patterns aren’t weaknesses. They’re responses.

They were learned usually in childhood, trauma, or high-pressure environments. But what

once kept you safe can now sabotage your success.

In coaching and mentoring, I often use softer, more empowering language to help women see

their patterns with compassion, not shame.

Here are a few phrases that speak the truth without triggering guilt:

* “Old survival strategy”

* “Outdated coping”

* “Protective but limiting pattern”

* “Behaviour that’s no longer serving your growth”

 * “Self-sabotage disguised as safety”

The power lies in recognising that you are not broken. You’re repeating what once worked.

And now, it’s time for something new.

When you start asking:

“Is this choice aligned with who I’m becoming?”

instead of

“Is this choice keeping me safe or liked?”

This is when you shift from sabotage to self-leadership.

Because the real sabotage isn’t failure.

It’s never stepping into the potential you already know is inside you.

You’re not behind. You’re just outgrowing old patterns.

And that is powerful.

Self-Sabotage